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Decision to Retire
This jiva had in 1938 an attack of blood-dysentery. He, therefore, went to Karachi for recovery and further treatment. When I returned to Sabarmati Ashram after recover, a strong intuitive urge made me decide to give up my service to the Harijan Sevak Sangh and render, if possible, the other service of elevating the lives of those, who by God's grace, happen to come to me for reforming themselves.
Mother's Opposition
My nephew (my elder brother's son) Shantilal was already employed as a teacher and was able to look after himself and his mother. The question still remained of my mother. She could, if she chose, go to stay with my younger brother, Muljibhai, or the youngest, Somabhai. I frankly told her everything about my desire to retire. She demurred and said, "You have not enough money to buy a quarter pound of grains of gram to feed birds* and what Himalayan crest will you conquer by throwing away the very petty income of this service?"
Conditional Consent
Mother was thus unwilling. I allowed a few days to pass and again appealed to her to let me free myself from the service, "Well, then." She said, "make a permanent arrangement for my needs. Let me get five or six rupees per month." I provided that monthly income fore her.** Mother insisted on another condition. "When I fall very seriously ill, you must present yourself before me."
That condition I immediately accepted and with joy and love, I said, "I myself would love to serve you in your last days. That is my bound duty besides. As soon as I come to know of your critical condition, I will certainly come post-haste to you."
*When the Nadiad Hari Om Ashram began to function, Pujya Shree Mota, in memory of his revered mother, began scattering grains of gram on the ground to feed birds. An enthusiastic lady got a roofless terrace built and a monetary permanent provision for the birds. Later a sympathetic gentlemen built another bigger structure for the same purpose. How happy PujyaSri Mota's mother would have been had she been alive to see it! - Translator
**The translator remembers Pujya Sri Mota telling him that Rs. 2000/- had accumulated in his account in the compulsory saving scheme for workers of the Harijan Sevak Sangh. It meant more than Rs. 6/- a month even by 4% simple interest.
Retired
Accordingly I retired from the Sangh's service. All the same the responsibility of getting the accounts of the Sangh audited remained with me and I discharged the duty with the same honesty and love as before. Continuous, unbroken service for so many years in one and the same institution could not and did not prove fruitless in my life's progress.
I am happy at the thought that my absence from the Sangh did not hamper its working. I was particular in cultivation love, good feelings, and harmony with one and all of the co-workers of the Sangh.After retirement I go now to different places for my stay. For your sadhana you, Nandlal*, and others have now been taking my guidance. This new responsibility has started my present work of writing letters to you people. Generally I now go to my mother after a gap of three or four months
* The Managing Trustee of Pujya Sri Mota's Hariom Ashrams for a long time.
Mother's Illness
TIn my absence Mother lived with my younger brother, Muljibhai, at Nadiad. I went to Karachi to stay with Sri Parsadbhai whom I call Bapu (father). From there I proceeded to Banaras (now Varanasi) with his two daughters who had to prepare and appear for their examinations there. After our stay at Banaras for a month or so, a letter from Muljibhai informed me that Mother was seriously ill and that I must go to Naidad. I wired to Bapu at Karachi that my mother was very seriously ill and that I must go to Nadiad. He wired back to say that I should ask somebody living in Banaras to look after his daughters and leave for Nadiad.
The Irremovable Hitch
One of the rules of Hindu University there insisted that a male elder o guardian must live with a girl, who chose to stay, not in its Girls' Hostel, but in a rented house within its precincts. However could I ever leave the girls in their blooming attractive youth in the charge of any common man whom I did ot know well enough to trust fully? It was absolutely impossible for me to know or find such a reliable person in that far-off town, Banaras. The girls' father himself ought to have come and relieve me of my duty of looking after the girls. Maybe it was not possible for him to take a long leave and to Banaras.
Conflicting Duties
What duty should I choose? That of the present situation that was already allotted to me or of the new one that arose later but one that demanded my prompt departure for Nadiad? On one hand was Mother's serious illness and my solemn promise to be then by her side. On the other was the fact that, earlier than the above call of duty, I had to come to Banaras to look after the girls and make careful arrangements for their studies, so that they could pass their examinations creditably. It was but natural that in her deteriorating health, I would love to fly to Mother and give her the much-needed mental satisfaction and strength. In addition I was bound in honor to be by her sick-bed at such a time. But who could remain with these sisters now under my care, in my absence? It was impossible for me to have the heartlessness to leave them in the lurch and make no perfectly satisfactory provision for their study and stay. And was it possible for me to keep away and not be present between the devil and the deep sea.
The Only Remedy
I had only one body and it was absolutely essential for me to be present in both Banaras and Nadiad at the same time. How can one body be simultaneously present at two distant places? That was definitely impossible. When I saw that it was inevitable for me to be in Banaras and my presence in Nadiad was out of the question, I had only one effective remedy left - that of a heart-felt prayer to God to let me gain both ends.