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"God's Grace" -- My Only Concern
When I was serving in the Harijan Sevak Sangh, I used to take a month's leave and go away to some solitary place Excepting that, I have never taken a single casual leave. Even on Sundays I would go to the Harijan locality, to do some constructive work, and meet the Harijan residents there to cultivate close ties with them. I look upon my stay in Nadiad in the field of social services as the Lord's unbounded grace conferred upon me.
However,
a dear colleague in the Harijan Sangh, Shree Chunilal Vyas, always tried to
instigate me to rise in the revolt against the Sangh's injustice to me. He
said:
"You are the very first to enter the field of Harijan service. As the
Secretary under the President, Shree Indulalbhai (a later well-known self-denying
political leader), you have creditably discharged all your responsible duties.
Nobody dares devil you or assert that you were unfit to conduct the Harijan
Ashram in your charge. It also was you who formerly carried on all the activities
of the Antyaja Seva Mandal (Harijan Sevak Sangh's former name.) Without any
aid, you alone did all the office work -- all its correspondence, all its
accounts, all its file-keeping, and other sundry things necessary for the
maintenance of the Mandal. Over and above this, you held two other taxing
posts -- that of the Manger of the Harijan Ashram and that of the Head Master
of the primary school for Harijans. This respectable position and the attendant
responsibility of looking after a small school is left to you. No insult can
be graver than this, but you are a pitiful coward. You don't stir a finger
in protest. This shows you are afraid of those who have treated you so shabbily.
You have not the guts to speak out the truth."
Not once, but persistently he used to goad me like that all the while he was my assistant teacher. Even after his transfer from Nadiad, he nagged ad nauseum, whenever he chanced to meet me.
But, by
God's grace, I had then already taken to the spiritual path. I had the conviction
that the circumstances and environments which one meets with in life are nothing
but distinct forms of God's grace intended for the elevation of one's soul.
I accepted the new situation with unshaken calmness, contentment, and love.
No thought swerved me an inch from my settled belief. That period of six years
in Nadiad was absolutely necessary for me to firmly establish me in my sadhana.
Verify, it was God's great grace that kept me confined to the work of the
school only.
Sadhana in Solitude
The diminution of my activities proved to be a boon for me. As I have already stated, I could then take sometimes a month's leave and go for sadhana to some solitary place where water was easily available. Wherever and whenever I went, I never bothered about my food. when I felt hungry, I would drink water and feel satisfied. The place I chose for sadhana would always be solitary, far from human habitation and full of beautiful natural scenery. That was why scarcely anyone come to me. I went without food for four or five days, sometimes even longer. It was sheer grace that during that period I never felt the pangs of hunger. I had only one obsession, the consistent pursuit of the practices of different kinds of sadhana which I had gone through already and the ever newer suggestions for progress that emerged from them. My heart yearned to emulate the famous archer, Arjuna, who was so totally absorbed in his aim, that his eyes gradually saw extraneous objects less and less, till they were focussed entirely on the very tiny target, the eye of the bird. That was only my earnest desire. But I must admit that there did come periods of slackness and they created excruciating torture in my mind.
An Interesting Anecdote
This jiva
once went to lonely place called Chitrakut. There a Brahman Scholar provided
me with food once a day. As was my usual behaviour at such times, I never
said a word to him. before I left the place, however, he had taken my address
in Nadiad. One fine day I was surprised to see him coming toward my house.
Mother provided him with cooking utensils and food. He only ate food cooked
by himself.
"I never sleep in my house," he told me.
"Nor do I," I replied; "I go to the crematorium at night and
sleep there. You can come with me."
Both of us then resorted to the crematorium, he for his sadhana and I for
mine. When I saw him doing his sadhana, I felt that he was engaged in the
black sadhana of invoking a spirit. He confirmed my impression in his talk
with me later. As there is a world of human beings on the earth, there is
also a world of spirits in the air invisible to us. In order to impress me
favourably, he conducted an actual experiment and convinced me that it was
possible to make a ghost visible to the human eye by chanting specific mantras
(potent charms).
He said, "I have still to take the last step required for complete master over this vidya (a branch of knowledge-cum-art). I cannot reach that stage without performing a particular yagna (sacrifice) and offering some prescribed oblations. If, by fulfilling these essential conditions, I can perform that sacrifice properly and bring about its end with proper ceremonies, I will become an adept in the vidya."
"All I want is Swaraj (Self-rule for India). I am not at all interested in your talk of the vidya," I countered in apathy.
"This
vidya can affect even the Viceroy's brain and he himself will espouse your
cause and grant you Swaraj," he argued.
"I can prove my point," he added, "by another demostration
of the power of this vidya to change the mind of any many we like, but I cannot
do so just now. it is essential for me for perfection in this vidya to perform
the sacrifice with the necessary offerings. I have come to you to get the
money required for it." Then I frankly gave him an account of my monetary
situation.
Then,
please do collect a fund for me," he persisted inhis entreaty. I had
to tell him bluntly that I was helpless in that matter also.
"I don't like what you do, yours is a harmful cause," I affirmed.
The matter ended with my giving him the railway fare to Ahmedabad.
The Lesson I Learnt
That was the first time I was convinced of the existence of the potent charms of even black magic. I found that by its means the object aimed at (i.e., the particular disembodied soul) can definitely be personalized and seen by the human eye. The event provided me with a valuable instruction. "Why cannot I then visualize before my sight the object at which I aim by my holy sadhana? Definitely I can." I felt sure.
From the clear appearance of the spirit invoked by that Brahman scholar, a fresh gush of high spirits, a new pulsation of life and increased self-confidence sprang up in my heart. Although the activities of that friend were certainly unhelpful to society, they gave me at least a very healthy spurt in my sadhana.